Last Christmas
by Neko-sama no Kokoro
Summary: Allen reflects on Christmases past, from his first to his most recent. Allen x Lenalee


Last Christmas

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM or Christmas.

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December 25th, 11:37 A.M.: Christmas morning at the Black Order Headquarters. For once, everything was peaceful at the mansion-like building inhabited by employees of the Vatican. Everyone had been granted a day off from work. No one was setting out on a mission, or returning with news and perhaps even grave injuries, if not the bodies of their comrades. The move from the previous HQ had been completed nearly three months ago, and unpacked boxes had stopped being found in late November. There hadn't been a report of akuma activity in a week, and the Supervisor was actually behaving himself.

So the Order had felt free to prepare for a joyous Christmas party. It hadn't been a big thing; a decorated tree, some presents exchanged among the respective groups of colleagues, and a big, traditional Christmas Eve dinner in the cafeteria. Still, it was a nice break for nearly everyone. Not only were they given a brief vacation to celebrate the holiday, it was almost certain that most of them wouldn't have had even that had they not become part of the Order 'family'.

Allen Walker wasn't sure if he fell into that category. On one hand, ever since his seventh birthday, he'd had someone to celebrate Christmas with – more than most people here did. On the other hand, those people were dead now…

The seventeen-year-old Exorcist exhaled in a long sigh, watching as his foggy breath rushed out into the cold winter air and immediately dissipated into nothing. Instinctively, he swung his legs out in front of him and let them drop, making sure to slow the fall before they could hit the cold stone of the fence he sat on. He'd come outside for a breath of fresh air after the two-hour Christmas Mass earlier that morning, and with the warmth of the cloak over his Exorcist coat, time had flown by with him barely noticing the cold. Sure, he'd had to clear the flat surface of snow before sitting down, but he'd long grown used to the sharp coolness beneath his bottom. It was strangely refreshing, even if it did make thinking difficult.

A sharp snort broke his reflections. Allen glanced up at the source, standing a few feet away and leaning against the wall of the Order: Howard Link, his, er… Allen wasn't quite sure what the appropriate term for Link's occupation was, but it was the reason he was here with the Exorcist right now. Knowing Link, he'd much rather be back in the cafeteria, stuffing his face with Christmas desserts. Allen almost wondered why he wasn't there right now; the supervision wasn't entirely constant, after all.

Then again, by all expectations, _he_ should be there, too. Who wouldn't expect Allen Walker to be where there was delicious (and free) food? Yet here he was, on the rooftop walkway between two towers of the HQ. If he could prefer to spend his time out here, why couldn't Link?

The answer to that was promptly given. Immediately after Allen had come to the conclusion that maybe Link just liked the outdoors and freezing cold, the slightly older man's voice jarred his thoughts.

"I'm going inside. Don't freeze to death out here, Allen Walker."

"Okay," Allen responded with a mild shrug. It seemed he had been wrong after all.

As Link turned to leave, however, the swish of his white coat somehow triggered a memory in Allen's mind. Was it the vaguely familiar cut? The colour? Whatever it was, Allen was temporarily transported back to another beautiful but snowy day nine years ago. In front of his grey eyes, a coat shifted as the owner stood up and turned away, just as Link was doing, and spoke.

And at that moment, another memory – a semantic one this time; something he'd heard a few months ago and had stored in his mind for this time of year – popped into his mind.

"Hey, Link!"

"Hm?" The braided head turned slightly as Link peered over his shoulder. "What is it?"

"It'll be your birthday soon, right?" Allen couldn't help but grin at the thought. Birthdays in the Order were rarely celebrated with anything more than a birthday cake and a song, mostly enjoyed by the closest friends of the recipient, but a piece of Jeryy's cake was still something to be happy at the thought of. Link was a close enough friend, anyway, Allen suspected. Idly, he wondered if Lenalee would be considered one by the Inspector, too; she'd be as happy as Link at the dessert. "You looking forward to it?"

There was a momentary pause before Link managed to ground out, "Not particularly." Judging from the sound of his voice, though, the Inspector wasn't sure what he thought at all.

"There'll be cake," Allen pointed out. He received no response. "And you won't be a teenager anymore?"

"Oh, _that_'ll be something to look forward to."

Allen cocked his head curiously; was Link being sarcastic or not? Sometimes, it was difficult to tell. The man was more intelligent than Kanda, after all, even if they did share some traits.

"Birthdays are always fun," Allen commented, his voice rising at the end in an almost questioning manner. "You've been at the Order for years, right? So you must've had-"

"I don't celebrate such things," Link said stiffly. "Although the Secretary does enjoy baking cakes for every occasion."

_I guess that means Levellier bakes the cakes instead,_ Allen thought, hoping Link couldn't see the somewhat ill look on his face at that thought. He was almost tempted to ask whose desserts were better – Levellier's or Jeryy's – but before he even had the chance to open his mouth, he was interrupted by the sound of footsteps crunching on snow. A moment later, one of the large wooden doors creaked open, and shut with a muffled bang. When Allen looked up, Link was gone-

-and in his place was another familiar face. Fortunately for Allen, this one was significantly less sour, among other things. For one, he'd _happily_ look at this one all day if it didn't mean his certain death (either from Komui or from lack-of-vision-related injuries like walking into a wall or falling down the stairs; whichever came first).

"Merry Christmas, Allen-kun," Lenalee said lightly, wading through the ankle-high snow to where Allen was sitting on the ledge. "I've been looking for you all morning!"

"Merry Christmas, Lenalee," Allen responded, raising an eyebrow at her second comment. "But I've only been out here for…"

"Forty minutes," Lenalee answered quickly as Allen's grey eyes darted to his watch, hand already in the air. She laughed softly at his annoyed grimace. "Just twenty, then. I thought for sure you'd be eating…"

"I'm surprised, too!" He smiled weakly as Lenalee brushed some snow away from the ledge with her sleeve and hopped up to sit next to him. "Lenalee, should you really be out here? It's pretty cold, and…" He nodded at her legs, clad only in her usual high socks.

_She must be freezing in that miniskirt! Not that I'd tell her to wear something else… if she didn't want to, of course!_

"No, no, it's fine!" She shook her head, locks of unbound dark hair flying over her shoulders. It had grown past her shoulders by now, but Lenalee had chosen not to tie it up in the usual pigtails anymore. She'd claimed it was a bit childish for someone her age, and Allen had to agree; Lenalee was nearly eighteen years old now, and a young woman. "I'm used to this weather."

And speaking of birthdays…

"Allen-kun?"

"Huh?" Allen spun around to face Lenalee. "Is something wrong?"

"You seem a bit out of it…" She frowned. "Am I interrupting something? Did you come up here to think alone?"

"N-no, that's not it at all!" Allen protested, waving his hands in front of him. Even if it hadn't been the truth, he might have denied it anyway just to enjoy Lenalee's company. She was a good friend, after all, and never pressed him to discuss his thoughts or problems (as long as it didn't concern his immediate health or life-threatening risks). Around her, he found himself strangely relaxed a surprising amount of the time. Thinking might actually be _easier_ with Lenalee there.

But he didn't want to think! Although he was doing it anyway…

"I was just thinking about birthdays," Allen explained sheepishly. "…Something… reminded me of Link's just a few minutes ago, and then you-"

"Me?" Lenalee looked curious. Of course, they hadn't been discussing anything that related to _her_ birthday, to her knowledge.

"I was thinking about your hair," Allen admitted. "It's really grown out recently."

Lenalee nodded. "I'm not sure how to feel about it," she said, sighing. "I've always liked it long, and I made a promise to grow it out again, but it was kind of nice to have short hair, too. Refreshing, maybe? And…" With a knowing smile, she suddenly reached out and ruffled Allen's pale hair, almost the same colour as the snow around them. He let out a sharp yelp of surprise and protest. "I'm not the only one! Your hair's grown too, Allen-kun! Thinking of cutting it soon?"

"Maybe?" Allen scowled and reached up to straighten a few misplaced strands. "I don't want to end up having a girly ponytail like-"

"Okay, okay," Lenalee muttered, laughing. "But how did my hair remind you of birthdays?"

"Oh, that…" He shrugged, wondering if the explanation wasn't just a bit lame… "It was about how your old style is a bit…"

"Childish?" Lenalee suggested.

"N…. sort of," Allen confessed. "Since you're almost eighteen…"

Lenalee hummed a note of agreement and turned away slightly. There was a brief silence before she spoke again. "You've really got birthdays on your mind today, Allen-kun!"

"I guess?" Allen shrugged again. "Maybe it's the Christmas cakes…"

"Or maybe…" Lenalee turned back to Allen again, wearing a gentle and yet serious look. "Because of your own birthday?"

Allen, caught off-guard, nearly fell over the edge of the roof at the question. His birthday?! Why would that make him think of-

"I remembered! It's today, right?" Lenalee asked, the smile disappearing under her worry at seeing Allen's shock. "Last year…"

"Y-yeah…" Allen nodded. "It's…" Today. It was _his_ birthday today. How could he have forgotten?! Suddenly, his thoughts about Link made sense: that snowy day had been Christmas Day nine years ago, and the man in the coat had been Mana. It had been his own birthday, the second one he'd ever celebrated. Even now, he could still remember the joyous feeling of that day. He'd been so surprised that Mana had actually _remembered_ the day he'd decided to be Allen's special day, let alone bought him a cake and some presents! It hadn't been anything big, just a book and a cup-and-ball set, but for someone who had never received a concrete present before, it meant the world to Allen.

It hadn't been his best birthday, though. That would certainly have been his first (celebrated, that is, not the actual day of his birth), when Mana had saved him from the labour and abuse he endured at the circus and become his father. If it hadn't been for that, Allen wouldn't even have _had_ birthdays to celebrate.

_Mana… Even if you had other reasons for adopting me… even if you didn't love me… that will always be the best birthday – the best Christmas! – I'll ever have. You saved me back then._

How ironic, then, that his worst birthday would also involve Mana in some way. That had been his eleventh, the day after he received the curse over his left eye and was adopted into the world of the Black Order by Cross Marian. He'd awoken that morning to a warm bed and sharp pain in his left hand, as well as a stiff, crusty feeling on his cheeks that only came from the dried trails of tears. Upon seeing the thick mane of red hair, he'd given a sharp cry of fear and nearly called for Mana until the sobering memories of the past few days finally set in.

Allen had spent that day crying in bed, for Mana and for himself. That was the first year since he'd gotten a birthday that he hadn't had a cake, or a present – a concrete present, anyway. Still, he'd had a good meal that day, and Cross had given him something familiar that Allen had never thought he'd have again: hope for a decent, and perhaps even happy, future.

Come to think of it, maybe that should count as one of his _best_ birthdays. Even though the following years had been hell, Allen couldn't say he'd rather not have met Cross at all. If it hadn't been for the General, after all, Allen would probably have died on the streets at an even younger age. Once more, he'd been given something of a family in Cross and Maria. Sure, his debts probably were worth far more than the cost of having a roof over his head most nights it was possible, and enough to eat every day (for Allen, that was saying something!), but things could have been much worse. After that, Cross remembered his birthday every year, and even if his gifts were along the lines of a pair of Cross's worn socks or a man-eating plant, the man had always given him a cake. Moreover, Allen was actually able to eat most of the cake.

And if it hadn't been for Cross, Allen wouldn't have entered the Black Order.

_I wouldn't be here with Lenalee right now…_

Which brought him to last year's Christmas, his first birthday with the Order.

Or rather, within the Order – and with Lenalee. It had been just a few short weeks after gaining Krory as a member of their Exorcist party (if that; perhaps it had only been a week or so?), and, still searching for Cross, the five Exorcists had spent the holiday in a hotel in a moderately sized city in Turkey. The proprietors, it seemed, also ran a small restaurant that they were more than happy to keep open for the hotel guests, and the home-cooked local dishes had been absolutely delicious. It hadn't been very Christmas-like, but that didn't mean Allen didn't have a wonderful day despite the fact.

He hadn't received any birthday presents that year, either, come to think of it. Everyone had been so busy travelling and searching for his lost master to even consider buying presents for each other, and, knowing it might induce guilt in his friends, Allen had refrained from mentioning the fact that it was his birthday, too. Nevertheless, it had come out somehow – perhaps Bookman had mentioned it; the old man seemed to know these things – and, as expected, Lenalee had started crying in the middle of dinner about how she hadn't gotten anything for Allen. Lavi had tried to shrug it off, although his embarrassment was too obvious to ignore. Krory couldn't stop apologize and wringing his hands, although his response was nowhere near as bad as Lenalee's.

Thanks to that, though, Allen had received a cake that year. As soon as the tears stopped flowing, Lenalee immediately asked (_demanded_ might have been a more appropriate term, Allen thought) to use the kitchens for the purpose of doing _something_ special for Allen's birthday. Fortunately, the couple had enough of the required ingredients, or similar ones, and before an hour had passed Lenalee had proudly set down a perfectly decorated cake in front of Allen. It had been the best-tasting cake Allen could ever recall eating, besides perhaps the very first one he'd received from Mana, but how could one compete with the taste of hopeful happiness and love?

Now that he thought about it, hadn't that been the very first time he'd tasted something Lenalee had baked? Sure, there had been that time she'd asked him to test a birthday cake for Komui – in October, no less! Wasn't Komui's birthday in June?! Something was odd about that – but the smell of alcohol had prevented him from indulging in what he was sure was a delicious chocolate cake. Perhaps travelling with Cross _had_ been a mistake…

No, then he'd never have been able to eat the second cake! After seeing his enjoyment, a delighted Lenalee had promised to bake him one every year. Allen could still remember her proud smile from that moment, barely containing her happiness at succeeding in giving Allen a present that he truly enjoyed by doing something she herself loved more than (almost?) any other activity. It was also the first time he'd ever seen her smile like that, with a pure happiness untainted by the demands of their job, or the sorrow of her past and present that he later found were always present in her mind and heart. Perhaps in that moment, she'd been able to forget about them and feel only joy.

Seeing Lenalee smile like that must have been just as important a gift to him as the cake she'd baked for him, he'd thought. Lenalee was always cute – the thought didn't make him blush anymore, fortunately – but in that moment, she'd been truly _beautiful_. Allen didn't think he'd ever see something more lovely than Lenalee had been back then, not unless Lenalee could ever forget her sorrow once more and smile like that again.

But even then, that first smile would always have a special place in his heart.

"Allen-kun?"

"Ack!" Allen gave a start at the sound of Lenalee's voice, blushing deeply once his mind made the connection between the girl next to him and the owner of that precious smile in his thoughts. "L-Lenalee?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Allen-kun!" She laughed nervously, shuffling away from him a little. "You must have been deep in thought – I didn't mean to startle you!"

"It's fine," Allen breathed, placing a hand over his racing heart as if to calm it. It probably hadn't been a good idea to reminisce about such a moment, one that always warmed his heart, with Lenalee nearby. He hadn't even noticed his thoughts drifting towards it; the progression from Christmas to Christmas, birthday to birthday, had been very gradual. Thinking of the beginning of his sixteenth year had just felt so natural after remembering the previous ones.

Yet now he couldn't get those memories, and the associated feelings, out of his mind! Allen was sure that his blush only intensified with every moment he faced Lenalee; he could already feel his chest tightening with an almost painful emotion. Somehow, though, he just couldn't take his eyes off of her, no matter how he… didn't try at all. It would have been rather impolite, or at least, it would have let Lenalee know something was wrong if his gaze suddenly dropped to the snowy ledge.

"Allen-kun," Lenalee murmured again, and he swallowed nervously. Was it just him, or did her voice sound more melodic than usual?

He'd known of these feelings for a while, probably since before last Christmas, but had they ever had such an effect on him? When Lenalee wasn't hugging him and crying into his shoulder?

"Yeah?" he responded faintly.

"Were you thinking of… do you remember…"

"Mm?"

"…last year?"

_Lenalee's thinking of it, too?! _

"Yeah…"

"You were thinking of it, then?" Lenalee laughed again, sounding even more nervous than before. "How I didn't remember your birthday…"

"I remember how you baked me a cake," Allen added, careful to keep his expression and voice as calm as possible. "And how happy you looked when…"

"When you said you loved it," Lenalee finished.

_I said that?! _A flash of panic momentarily broke Allen's deliberate calm. Had it really been the cake he'd been talking about? That he'd meant?

"You just looked so… so… _so happy_…"

A sob escaped from Lenalee's throat, and Allen realised, to his horror, that she was crying. Tears streamed down her cheeks, slightly reddened from the cold, and her mouth was covered by her hand that didn't quite muffle the sounds of her gasps and sobs. Hesitantly, Allen shuffled closer and placed a hand on Lenalee's back comfortingly.

"Lenalee? Is everything-"

"N-no, I'm just… it's…" Lenalee let out another heart-wrenching sob before continuing. "It's the good… kind of crying! When I saw you like that, Allen-kun… your eyes were s-shining, and you just seemed so… and it made me feel… so happy, I can't remember when… I last felt…"

"You feel like that, too?" Allen asked weakly, somewhat stunned by her confession. "That you'd never seen the other look so really, truly happy, and… it makes you feel…"

"Warm," Lenalee continued, "like you're… going to laugh, or…"

"You can't contain it…"

"And it makes… you feel… happy in a way you've…"

"Never felt before…"

_Is this…_

Lenalee suddenly began to shake under his hand, but by the time Allen could react, she'd become eerily still. Swallowing, she straightened up and brushed away some remaining tears with the back of her hand. "And after that," she murmured, now composed but for a slight tremble to her voice, "I promised…"

"That you'd bake me one…" Allen's voice was nearly a whisper.

"Every year." As she finished, Lenalee reached across to take Allen's gloved hands in her own. It was not the first time he'd felt that warmth, and to his surprise, even in his fluttery state he felt nothing more than the usual bit of simple happiness that came from the gesture. How had such an intimate gesture as hand-holding become so natural for them?

As he stared at their hands, palms flat against each other's, Lenalee shifted closer to him. When he became curious at the silence and glanced up at her, their foreheads touched.

_Lenalee's so close…_

"I'm going to keep that promise," she murmured softly.

And, with that, Lenalee turned her head and pressed her lips against his cheek in a gentle, caring kiss.

When she pulled away a few moments later, her eyes were shining. Allen was almost sure he could see the same happiness in those violet depths that must certainly have been present in his own – and if they were the same, did that mean… could there be love, too?

"Lenalee," he whispered, breaking the comfortable silence, "did you feel that, too?"

"That same happiness?" she asked. Allen wondered if she was as nervous as he felt at that moment.

"The same as during last Christmas."

Slowly, she nodded. Allen felt himself smile, and noticed her respond with one of her own.

"Then…" Lenalee pulled away slightly, her grip on his hands loosening. Allen felt a slight pang of disappointment, yet it was not nearly as powerful as he had thought it would be. Was it because he knew Lenalee would still be with him after this? "If I bake you a cake every year, would that be a birthday gift that makes you happy?"

"Really happy." Right now, though, Allen didn't know if it was possible for him to _be_ any happier. "The cake, and the memories…" A tear pricked at the edge of his eye; was this what Lenalee had been feeling before? "Lenalee, that would be…"

"I'm also very happy," Lenalee told him, pulling away entirely now and standing up, "that I can make you forget your sorrow for a short time, Allen-kun."

"Lenalee?"

She grinned widely, as if unable to contain the feeling anymore. "Then your cake will be ready soon, Allen-kun!"

Allen scrambled off the ledge just in time to catch Lenalee's arm as she turned to the door. "Wait! You're going _now-_"

"Happy birthday, Allen-kun!"

His grip slackened and then she was gone, disappearing behind the wooden doors. Allen was left alone on the rooftop, standing ankle-deep in the snow where it hadn't been cleared away by his earlier footsteps, as he reflected on what had just happened:

Lenalee had felt the same way he did on Christmas last year. Lenalee had felt the same way he did just now, when they remembered that moment. And Lenalee had felt the same way he did when she'd…

And now he had another delicious cake, and possibly another wonderfully beautiful smile from Lenalee, to look forward to.

Allen could barely contain his own grin as he trudged through the snow to the doors, feeling overwhelmingly happy and warm. It had all begun last Christmas, when he'd been given the hope of a _happy_ future for the third time in his life. He didn't know if he could keep it just yet, but there was no question that it was the best birthday present he had ever received.

And maybe, just maybe, it might not be the best he ever _would_.

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A/N: This is the miracle fic that wanted to be written. Sorry for any incoherence, if it didn't make sense, all of that… I didn't really look it over... This time, I just couldn't! Ah well. I hope it was pretty good, and cute and fluffy enough! Please review with any criticism or comments you might have; they're always great, and I love knowing how to improve or what kinds of things people like.

Merry Christmas to everyone, and happy birthday to Allen! :P


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